OUR COVENANT ON CONFLICTS
OUR COVENANT ON CONFLICTS
When disagreement or conflict arises between members, staff, or anyone in the church, we are committed to a healthy, scriptural solution. Conflict, if handled biblically, can be a stepping stone to something constructive and redemptive. The world has its way of dealing with conflict, which is often gossip, slander, criticism, and blame. Unfortunately, the solution is often attack the person instead of the problem, or just say “That’s it, I quit.” The goal of Christian resolution is not self-justification, or to get others on your side, but allow God-honoring procedures that lead to healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Fractures of fellowship are to be dealt with honestly, positively, and redemptively so that healing and growth will follow, and serve as examples of grace to the rest of the world.
Here’s what Jesus said to do.
MATTHEW 18:15-18
“If you have a conflict with a brother or sister, go to that person and share your take on the problem. But do it privately, just between yourselves. If that brother or sister listens to you, you have cleared up the issue, and all is well. But if he or she will not listen to you, take one or two other persons with you, so that everything may be established by the testimony of two or more witnesses, as the scriptural process prescribes. And if that brother or sister will not listen to them, then bring in the counsel of the whole church. Finally, if he or she will not listen to the church, that person cannot be treated as a brother or sister, but as an outsider, since he or she refuses to forgive and be reconciled.”
In the light of God’s Word, we are commanded to handle disagreements and offenses according to the teaching of Jesus. Being a word based church we have no other alternative for healthy relationships than the teachings of Jesus. We are convinced that, if followed, restoration of fellowship will be the outcome. When there is a conflict, or just a misunderstanding, it’s always a test to see if Jesus is Lord, or hurt feelings.
At Heartsong, we are 100% committed to this clear and simple teaching. If you have been offended or treated in an improper manner by another person—whoever it might be, this is what to do:
- According to Matthew 18, go to the person in question seeking resolution, not just to accuse and blame. This is between you and the other person only. Let the person know your goal is not self-justification or to demand an apology, but for the sake of peace, you are humbly seeking understanding and reconciliation. This is not the time to argue your position and get worked up all over again, but to honestly pursue a Christ honoring solution.
- If you have done your best, and have made sure that you have been faithful to the scripture, “So much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men,” and fail to resolve the conflict, the next step is to get the help of one or two mature members with a trusted perspective. If that fails, Jesus said, “Tell it to the church.” That doesn’t mean you interrupt the worship service, with your beef, or make it an agenda item at the board meeting. It means you tell it to the church leadership (not just one elder that you know very well)—and let the elders as a group establish the facts and weigh in on it as a group. In the final analysis, their solution should be respected and heeded.
- In a situation where there is no offense, just a matter of a question, a criticism, or a helpful suggestion concerning some aspect of ministry, bring it to the attention of the proper leadership. For example, if you have a question about worship, find the worship chairman and express your concern to that person. Another example: If the kitchen is dirty, don’t talk to other church members about it--find the person in charge of property and let your concern be heard to that person…and that person only. After you have done that, leave it there. Don’t talk to others, or listen to talk about it.
- A healthy church doesn’t sweep things under the rug, or refuse to deal with conflict, but will meet it in a straightforward, honest, and helpful manner. Every member’s cooperation with this covenant is crucial.
- In the end, in the interest of peace, trust the counsel of the elders. These are prayerful leaders with a track record of sincerity and love for the church, and every individual member. The life and fellowship of the church are at stake. This requires a commitment from everyone.
Perhaps the most important aspect of this process is submission to leadership and trust in God. This is very hard to do when emotions are running high, and a person feels a burning need to be justified. Are you submitted to Christ? Then trust his plan. If not, this whole process is doomed to failure. Have faith in the Jesus’ solution, even if you are the one who receives correction. Submission to God’s authorized leaders is a vital part of the reconciliation process.
Much conflict can be resolved by “counting others better than yourself,” and not being overly sensitive. In other words, do be a person who is always being offended about something. We all want others to cut us slack when we’re having a bad day – do the same for them. Don’t ascribe impure motives to your brothers and sisters in Christ. We admit that no one in the church is perfect, our programs are not perfect, our leaders are not perfect, and our minister is not perfect.
Until we are all completely mature, we covenant together to overlook one another’s faults and forgive injuries, because that’s how God is treating us (Ephesians 4:32). Accordingly, we must turn and give that same grace to other. The sign of a healthy church is not how “perfect” and “holy” everyone is, but how forgiving and longsuffering its members are. All in all, we will trust the Holy Spirit to minister His peace and reconciliation, and make of us men and women genuinely submitted to Christ and to one another in love and respect.
OTHER RELATED SCRIPTURES:
Philippians 4:4-9
Colossians 3:15-17
Philippians 2:1-10
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Daily Manna from the Net for Sunday, May 20, 2012 [Psalm 18:1-3]
- I love you, God--you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight. My God--the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout. I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved. Psalm 18:1-3 MSG